pick me, choose me .. love me

roversex @ 2009-12-22T23:35:00

2009-12-23T04:35:44Z

yesterday melissa and me walked through the town
tripped balls, went to the dollar store and bought cap guns and flurb
and played with them at tim hortons and price choppers.
it was awesome, we were kids again.
i also got caught stealing at the mall today
and i talked my way out of it.
i told the secutiry guard i was a pre-law student and i would just go to court and argue the ticket and the ban and then offered to give them my business card to contact me later as i had other committments. and they just let me go with all the stolen stuff woo.
i was totally in the wrong and got away with it
i love having an education and being able to sound educated
woo hoooooooo.
i also saw joey yesterday it was super awkward and it didnt help that i was ripped.
and then i bumped into him at the mall today and he knows what i did.
i think he hates me and thinks im a stupid kid.
but whatever it makes me happy.
im going back to a simpler time when i didnt care what he thought of me.
im going to the mansion with cait and melissa tomorrow and im gunna be a show i cannot wait,
ive never had a dull night with them and i think its going to be a good time. i need to have good times and not be sad and think about him.
i miss duncan, nicole, glove, beau, wever, connie and heath.

roversex @ 2009-12-11T02:56:00

2009-12-11T07:56:44Z

i just want to call you.
i called you yesterday and you didnt want to talk to me.
and it was the harshest reality ive been dealt in a while.
im living in misery.

ughhhhhh

2009-12-11T07:50:30Z

barely have a 65 av,
might potentially be fired.
not over you at allllllllllllllllllll
into someone who isnt even an option?
pretty much at the point where ill settle.
i left so that i wouldnt be settling.
sooooooo confused.
not checked into schoool at all.
i might need a semester off

i just feeel empty a lot recently.
and kind of sick half the time.

ive pretty much lost you and i dont know where to go from here?
how do i move on, i thought i knew how but i dont.

roversex @ 2009-11-14T21:03:00

2009-11-15T02:03:55Z

When it seems
Like the world around you's breaking
And it feels
Like there's no one else around you
And it's quiet
There's a silence in the darkness
And it sounds
Like the carnival is over

As you walk
In the crowded empty spaces
And you stare
At the emptiness around you
You wanna go
To the city and the bright lights
Get away
From the sinners that surround you

Cause I will be there
And you will be there
We'll find each other in the dark
And you will see
And I'll see you too
Cause we'll be together in the dark

Cause if it's coming for you
Then it's coming for me
Cause I will be there
Cause we need each other in the dark
And if it terrifies you
Then it terrifies me
Cause I will be there
So we've got each other in the dark

As I look into the sky
There's sparks bright as ice
You want me to take you over there
I want you to stay with me
Cuz you're not the only one
The only one

No, no
Don't worry
You're not the only one

Cause if it's coming for you
Then it's coming for me
But I will be there
Cuz we need each other in the dark

_______

Cause if it's coming for you
Then it's coming for me
But I will be there
Cuz we need each other in the dark
And if it's panicking you
Then it's panicking me
But I will be there
So we've got each other in the dark

In the dark
In the dark
We'll need each other in the dark

In the dark
In the dark
We'll hold each other in the dark

Now we're saved together in the dark

Cause we've got each other in the dark

roversex @ 2009-11-02T12:39:00

2009-11-02T17:44:01Z

OKAY SO IM JUST KINDA SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW.

im happy, i think.

but i missssssssss it.

i looked at pictures, pictures that made me feel weird. jealous, sad, regret - but i am so sure that this is the right thing. and this is the real risk.. ive let you go, your finding something else, willlllll you chose me in the end.

i guess its just a silly song about you, and how i lost you, and your brown eyes.

i wanted to tell you exactly how i felt, but i didnt. i lied instead because i couldnt bear to hurt you again.

i need to stop.

last update 27 weeks ago

2009-10-19T19:36:15Z

It has beeeeeeeeen a long time since ive posted
sooooo third year, senior ra, single, a lot is different
friends have come and gone but i still feel the same
i have a mid term tomorrow and i just found out that one of the TAs is someone who went to highschool with me.. crazy
also im prob gunna fail it cause i have no interest in it but need it for my minor.
as of right now i am a CJPP major and POLS minor.
i have beeeeeeeeen having a lot of fun in the downtown guelph scene
and have had a wild month to say the least.
dan, corey, matt, gord, rob what a messsssss.
anyway i am no longer concerned with any of that
and im just hoping to find myself .
i talk to him last night - it was weird and probably a mistake but if theres a time to be making mistakes its right now.

roversex @ 2009-04-13T03:38:00

2009-04-13T07:39:21Z

the ven mach is free at 3:30am on sunday and wednesday.
I have enough chocolate chips candy and gun to last me all summer.

Ray LaMontagne

2009-03-25T20:00:59Z

I feeel sick right now
i am sick, but i also am feeling really betrayed
this happens every year i guess
that point in time where i just stop liking everyone i liked before
i can see all the things that i dislike about each person and its just pushing me away
because its all i see when i look at them.
no one and nothing can make me feel better.
i havnt laughed in a while i want to lock myself in my room and hide from everyone.
i also, as much as i dislike everyone right now dont wanna say goodbye to my students, and the ra's at the end of the year.

j

2009-03-23T04:50:21Z

dorm life.

iiii dont know.

roversex @ 2009-03-04T04:37:00

2009-03-04T09:42:09Z

i have sweeeet friends
with awesome secrets
we share secrets.
they think i dont share my feelings.
well i dont really have any right now
im just here just feeling nothing and everything sometimes
but not really caring too much
it always works out in the end doesnt it ?

i wanna run with a wreckless emotion, find out if love if the size of the ocean.

have you ever wished for an endless night?
lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight.

roversex @ 2009-01-12T02:16:00

2009-01-12T07:19:28Z

so let it be what itll be dont make a fuss and go crazy over you and me
say the words forever more thats not what im looking for - all i can commit to is maybe.

good weekend

you are not the same, things are not the same, i dont understand why this hurts?
im usually the one to walk away with out thinking twice but not this time.

roversex @ 2008-12-08T20:39:00

2008-12-09T01:41:33Z

tonight.

cuba soon
im doing horrible in school
im in a very very very complicated relationship,
with several people.
complicated is my life.

next semester i will be mostly sober.
none of this three nights a week stupidity.
i am no longer a first year and i need a 90.

hear you me

2008-12-01T05:40:31Z

this time last year .
he wants it all back, but i cant.
can i ?
im generally mostly happy.

everything is crashing all around me
sleepless.

exams in 2 days, i cant study.

roversex @ 2008-11-12T14:16:00

2008-11-12T19:20:26Z

its not like i need somebody telling me where i should go at night,
dont worry you'll find somebody

sooooo he says hes made a mistake
and he misses me.
i realllllly dont know.
i made out with a rugby player.

roversex @ 2008-11-04T04:22:00

2008-11-04T09:28:55Z

i just listened to the whole breakaway cd by kelly clarkson,
i cleaned my room.
my students are up right now, but for the first night in 3 weeks i am not hanging out with them.
i know its 4:30 but for some ridiculous reason it is normal to be up until this time,
and i will propbably be up until 9am.
i have to make a website by wednesday midnight and i have no clue how to do it.
i should have started 3 weeks ago and now im fucked.
i hateeeeee distance ed.
i havnt talked to him since... wednesday ! im almost at a week .
i didnt go on my date, i chickened out.
but i did learn how to steal pop from the vending machine.
he thought it was cool, it made me happy.
i made 6 costumes for my students for halloween.
and did shots with them before the bar.
i also called them when i was high to order chinese for me by the time i got back to res.
and my stoner kid def saw me buying pot/rolling a joint at a party which i shouldnt have gone too since i knew he was there.
i am fucking up.
also, i did something i shouldnt have on thursday night
dollar beers fuck me up - and i didnt knwo who he was.

roversex @ 2008-10-30T02:28:00

2008-10-30T06:29:00Z

there's no one in town i know
you gave us someplace to go
i never said thank you for that
thought i might get one more chance

what would you think of me now?
so lucky
so strong
so proud
never said thank you for that
now i'll never have a chance

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

what would you think of me now?
so lucky
so strong
so proud
never said thank you for that
now i'll never have a chance

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

if you were with me tonight
i'd sing to you just one more time
a song for a heart so big god wouldn't let it live

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

roversex @ 2008-10-29T02:45:00

2008-10-29T06:50:28Z

blllllllllllllllue.

my heart
couldnt handle
fighting to be free
wanting, needing,
seperated.
somedays it is unbearable
impossible
are we doing this?
drop, cant catch a hold of anything
scares and delights
im yellow
complicated, things are.
drink, night, hands, skin,
does it always end the same
regret - yes no maybe.
i do or i dont
decide
im still thinking about it.
boundries - for breaking
rules - for a reason
learning lifes lessons
not broken but something
distracted.

roversex @ 2008-10-22T15:38:00

2008-10-22T19:51:12Z

so i have a pretend boyfriend, joe.
he just got out of a 5year one and so we text when we are weak.
i went to waterloo to visit meg this weekend and came back with lee archibald, hes 3 years older, and he's almost a fire fighter.
i have no idea how i feel about this, he asked me to see a movie..
but our only interaction was a 4 hour bar conversation that i do not remember and some cue cards that call me a sexy kitty.
furthermore joey is texting me about how im distant and how he misses talking to me.. etc
obviously im going to be distant im damaged and broken because of him, and i am trying to put myself back together..
BUT the problem is, by talking to eachother constantly we are not making any progress i am not getting over him.
like what is the point of breaking up, when all you do is talk to your x all the time ?
i didnt talk to joey for 3 days and i was feeling great and met lee and got wasted with the football team and life was super..
and now im back in guelph and expecting a call from joey at 6:30.
ughhhhhhhhhhh.

i stayed awake until 6am with my students - i feel asleep while they were talking in my room. i think im a bad ra & im too friendly with them.

roversex @ 2008-10-12T17:51:00

2008-10-12T22:02:56Z

I'll need time
To get you off my mind
I may sometimes bother you
Try to be in touch with you
Even ask too much of you
From time to time

I'll get by
But no matter how I try
There'll be times you know I'll call
Chances are my tears will fall
And I'll have no pride at all
From time to time

But they say
Oh there'll be a brighter day
But til then I'll lean on you
That's all I mean to do
Till I can make it on my own

Surely someday I'll wake up and see the mornin sun
Without another lonely night behind me
Then I'll know I'm over you and all my cryin's done
No more hurtin memories to find me

roversex @ 2008-10-08T02:51:00

2008-10-08T06:52:05Z

briana.
you want to remember how this feels
so that you never ever ever ever ever ever feel like this again.

roversex @ 2008-10-08T02:50:00

2008-10-08T06:51:23Z

lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks
hardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

im going to curse and scream and cry ontop of lambton hill tomorrow.

roversex @ 2008-10-08T02:47:00

2008-10-08T06:48:57Z

my nose hurts.
my head hurts.
my everything hurts.
it isnt up to me.

roversex @ 2008-09-28T10:46:00

2008-09-28T14:51:11Z

each day i think to myself it will get better
but it never does
this is the hardest thing ive ever done
i look at my phone a thousand times
and nothing
i dont know if hanging out made it better or worse
even though i know this is for the best
i cant seem to accept it
i feel like im never going to get over you
the thought of kissing someone else makes me sick to my stomach
the thought of awkward hugs goodbye and kisses on the forehead make me cry
the nights are the worst and finding little things you gave me along the way
i dont want someone new, i dont want someone better, i dont want to know what else is out there
i just want to be with you.

roversex @ 2008-09-25T10:21:00

2008-09-25T14:23:07Z

its over
and for the better.
if things were different and love was enough
but it isnt and distance, and the lack of time are all that matter.

single life.

roversex @ 2008-09-12T11:23:00

2008-09-12T15:28:32Z

i dont remember the last timei posted.
life is pretty fucking fabulous.
my ra team is awesome,

even thought its been 3 weeks we have spent pretty much every minute with eachother and we just get along sooo well !
seeing all my first year friends is sweet.
i really like that they miss me in their houses !
ALSO being 19 is the shit.
i love alcohol more than ever before.

My ra students are ridiculously cool.
they are the sweeetest people ever.

Joey is pretty much the best boyfriend in the history of the world.

furthermore.

I am now friends with the man who owns half of downtown guelph ! :)
and i MAY be in a tv show called the 'best years'
life is glorious.

2 downers.
shes a stupid ingonrant little girl & hes a foolish boy !
i misss the kes friends & fam.